I don’t ever feel ashamed or embarrassed because this is a decision I made for myself and in order for me to execute my decision to the best of my abilities, I have to do it with confidence. Why should I feel ashamed for making a decision that is so personal and intimate? Something I’ve done to better myself?
I do feel self conscious though. It happens. I can’t help but feel out of the loop when I walk into a room filled with 234234 different hairstyles. There are days I get dressed and the last thing I have to do is wrap my scarf and to be honest, I hesitate.
But in that moment of hesitation I remind myself of who I am. Sounds hella cheesy, I know. But truly, I reevaluate my priorities. What wearing the hijab means for me? What value does it have in my life? Why would I consider taking it off? Will taking it off better me?
If you are doing it to please others and it has no personal value for you - it becomes a chore, it’s no longer a resource to you.
I remind myself that whatever I do has to be for the sake of God and for my well being. Whether it be with a headscarf on or off. Long as I am growing towards a more positive and healthier way of thinking and being.
Personally for me, I like who I am more now as a hijabi prior to when I wasn’t. Because of what hijab has done for me. So it has value for me.
It helps to have those that support you. That understand your struggle and respect it. Surround yourself with people that have your best interest at heart. If you can’t find it in family, find it in friends.
Feeling out of place is inevitable. Like I said, it happens. But the more you feel confident in it, the easier it becomes. Cause you don’t care. You know this is what you want so screw what everyone else thinks.
In summary, you have to know why you are doing it. Add value to your choice. Be confident in your decision. Know that this is what you want, that this is whats best for you. Find reason and purpose. ‘Cause then you see why the struggle is worth it. ‘Cause when it means something to you, you’re willing to fight for it. This goes for anything in life really.
Please don’t think my reasons have to be your reasons. Everyones hijab journeys are there own. None of this will become easier unless you find your own reasoning.
At the end of the day the scarf is just a piece of cloth on my head. But it became something powerful for me because I allowed for it to be a resource that is helping me get closer to the type of person I hope to be.
And when I remind myself of that, I feel good about it, the positives outweigh the negatives.
I hope my ramble helped, iA! I pray you find peace and strength!
Does anyone know any reasonably priced online hijab stores?
When it rains, I wish I could wrap my hijab so it’s shaped like an umbrella.
I’ve only been wearing the hijab for 2 years now. Prior, I didn’t care if it was obligatory or not. I didn’t wear it because I didn’t understand it. I don’t do anything without knowing why I am doing it. So, I think rather than practicing something just because it is fard, theres no point if you don’t understand why you are doing what you are doing? What purpose does it serve, yeah?
That’s something I’ve noticed these days, we do things because it is expected, it is what is obligatory, without connecting it back to us or the bigger picture.
Anyway, I digress. Yes, I would still wear the headscarf if it weren’t obligatory. There are days that I doubt this because I feel myself giving in to really good hair days. But in the grand scheme of things, I know what purpose it serves, especially for me, and I don’t think I’d compromise that.
BUT LET ME TELL YOU THE DAYS MY HAIR LOOKS GOOD IT IS A DAMN STRUGGLE. One of the reasons I started the hijab was because I realized how much emphasis I put on looks, esp. my hair. I spent more time putting my hair together in the morning than I did making sure I had everything I needed for school that day. How consumed and engulfed I was by my physical appearance. So, when I put on the hijab way back when, I knew that I had sacrificed that so I could focus more so on bettering myself as a Muslim, a student, daughter, friend, etc. Bettering myself as a person, rather than …well, bettering my hair.
So, the days I find myself wanting to just storm out with my nice hair lookin’ all good and flowing in the wind - I remind myself of why I am doing this. What’s the end goal? What does the hijab do for me in the bigger picture? What has it already done for me? Is it worth it? Whats my intention? Who am I doing this for? Why? Why? Why?
Alhamdulillah, I always find MY answer. Not my moms answer. Or my aunties answer two blocks down the street and around the corner. My answer as to what hijab is to me, how it makes me a better individual, and how it helps me better serve Allah.
THEN. I wrap my hijab like a boss. And I wink at myself in the mirror like ‘well damn you still fine as hell, go head girl, go do something fabulous today’ - then I proceed with being a badass.
I’m not entirely sure what to tell you in terms of taking it off because I ended up putting it back on. I realized what it meant for me - I know that I felt utterly uncomfortable- more so than I did with it on.
I’ve only been wearing the hijab for 2 years now! And let me tell ya it has not been easy whatsoever. There were days I was so close, SO CLOSE, to taking it off. But my reasons were entirely vain and materialistic. I knew I was stronger than that - I just didn’t want to believe it because it gets hard. To go from seamlessly ‘fitting in’ to sticking out like a sore thumb covered in a paisley scarf.
I understand it can be stressful. But I think you have to remember why you wore it. You said being covered felt more comfortable. Are you willing to compromise that? Being the only hijabi at a predominantly white school can be very intimidating and overwhelming. But just as it has it’s downside - imagine the advantages of how distinct you are. How maybe your perseverance and determination could inspire others to follow?
There came a point I had a on and off period. Then eventually I got fed up with my wish washiness and I took my hijab off for a week…. and I felt naked. I talked out my discomfort with close friends and family - muslim and non muslim - hijabi and non-hijabi, I talked to people that I knew genuinely cared for my well being and personal growth. I didn’t turn to the ones that I knew would only tell me what I wanted to hear.
It gets hard but I had friends who supported me stand by my side - regardless of headscarf or not. You gotta find those that are willing to accept you - that understand you- with or without headscarf. I know what the hijab means to me and I am not the type to sacrifice the value it gives me and the mentality it puts me in - that’s what I realized in taking it off.
You are right. You will get crap. Regardless of what you do you will get crap. Thats life. People judge you regardless of what your choices are. At the end of the day it comes down to what you can handle and how well you handle it. I think you have to mentally prepare yourself. The headscarf doesn’t define you as much as your actions do.
Reflect on how it purely impacts YOU. Cause at the end of the day its what will build or break you. Not anyone else. but YOU. Do whatever you think will genuinely make you stronger.
I have friends (http://letustalkdrivel.tumblr.com/) & (http://holy-crackers.tumblr.com/) who might be able to help you more.
I’m sorry if I could not be of much help - if any one else has further advice feel free to comment.
Whatever you end up doing just do it with the best of intentions. Wish you all the best, iA. If I can help in any other way let me know.